I used to believe that negative emotions needed to be transformed. I created and used methods to turn the negative into positive, identifying each step.
Then I realized that, deep down, it didn’t really work. These methods brought a certain calm, but after years, I had to admit that I was still, more or less, the same as before. What a disappointment, isn’t it?
And yet, it was this disappointment that opened me to something more real: There is no need to transform negative emotions.
My best teachers were my children: When my daughter cried, I didn’t try to console her or, worse, minimize her emotion by rationalizing it or using other strategies, all of which are unconscious ways of denying the emotion. Instead of all these strategies, I simply took my daughter in my arms, welcoming what she was experiencing. I simply remained present to what is.
And miraculously! The emotion changes by itself when given the space to be what it is! As simple as that, and yet, so few people truly know how to do it.
So, this single principle guides me during sessions: the total acceptance of what is alive in you. This acceptance gives space for inner experiences to follow their own path.
This path is natural. Any intervention from the mind that thinks it knows better is an obstacle. The good news is that there is nothing to do. The bad news is that very few really know how to do nothing, how to truly remain present to what is, without any manipulation.
Survival processes resist, get scared. Because not manipulating anymore is letting go of control. And letting go of control feels like dying. And in fact, yes, it’s truly letting old reflexes die.
It’s actually relearning how to choose.
There is always what happens to me and how I react to it. The more I know myself, the more the space between the event and my reaction grows. In this space, I gain a new freedom: the ability to choose my reaction.
Life then becomes alive, connections to others become less reactive and more alive!”
